Right or wrong.

Right now, been battling “that” for a while. It is such an Asian characteristic to keep one’s personal problems, whether it be financial, emotional, etc. to his/her -self. I was raised that way. I never asked for anything big. I’m just a simple person with simple needs.  I want to ask for help, but I’d rather not confront people and complain. I try to fix my problems through other ways, but sometimes, we all get to a point so desperate that at desperate times go for desperate measures. I haven’t known any classmates as being strippers to support themselves through school, but I’m sure there are people who had made that decision for themselves. It’s work. BUT! What if every job that you apply for, you are either underqualified, overqualified or some institution afraid to hire someone who is a full-time student. Right now, I’m in that crossroad. What other options do I have? My last job earned me $10.50 an hour as a part-time medical assistant. I’ve even began teaching myself spanish. I took two years of Japanese in high school and two years of Latin in college and now spanish?! It’s a waste of time for me to learn spanish where the National language in the United States of America is English. It’s funny how the patients really expect you to speak their language. In honesty, it disgusts me. Yes, there are elderly Mexicans who are unable to teach themselves English, but in order to be in this country as a citizen, don’t you need to have a basic command of the language? What use is it to have a redesigned naturalization exam? I only ask of people to understand english and at least learn to respond accordingly with yes or no. Do you need assistance to the bathroom? PLEASE nod or shake your head. I don’t know if trying to fit this criteria (spanish speaking preferred) is a form of discrimination. With the unemployment rate of this state, my chances of getting a job is slim. I’ve even applied to full-time employment just to see if they’ll at least give me a chance. I know other people have it so much harder for me. I’m grateful that I have a place to stay, take a shower and eat, but at the same time, in order to be a contributing factor to society in the future, I have to have a period in time to be given the opportunity to study. There are loans and financial aid, but my credit has gotten so bad from not being able to pay the amount the company wants during the time of unemployment, it’s even hard for me to qualify. My mother claims me as a dependent, but does not contribute to my studies nor my personal finances. The last year that I claimed myself independent (in income), I got myself a federal pell grant which covered tuition. I was eternally grateful for it. But now, I’m even struggling to figure out a way to pay my tuition. At the same time, my priority is finding the money to purchase my textbooks so I can catch up to the classes. The reference section carried one textbook for one of my classes (out of 5) The other four classes and a lab is what I have to worry about. I’ve been praying to be accepted into a job for quite a while now. Waiting for this long had made me doubt my faith in God in so many ways. I try to tell myself that all of this is just a test, an obstacle from my path. Family obligations inside an Asian family as a female is hard enough, but including gender assigned chores to my pursuit in my future profession is an extremely depressing situation. I’ve done all I can that I deem ethical to help myself in my struggle as a student and daughter. I wish I could find the focus to attend to “me” for once. Sometimes, sleep is the only time I could rest from EVERYTHING, but even that can’t last forever.