The prospect of relationships.

So I got to talking with a friend today. I’m in between thoughts of whether I had hurt her and if it’s in my place to help her. You see, I’m in my 20’s and she’s in her 40’s. The generation gap never did stop us from being friends. At my age, relationships are put on the back burner for later. It’s not a priority. I mean, I would love to depend on someone other than family to be there for me and to enjoy each other’s company, but I’m too young. Most men at my age aren’t exactly my type. I hate to go clubbing and I’d rather spend time at home watching awesome movies on blu-ray and cooking food from recipes off the net. I’m a homebody. If I spend money, it better be for something I truly need and love to have or for someone else. Plus, I don’t have a steady ANYTHING! Anyway, I digress… My conversation with my 40 something friend started off to something about why she hasn’t been at the holiday parties this year… I mentioned, ” oh why, you have a gentleman caller I don’t know about? ” Somehow, the expression on her face changed at that point. I really don’t know what single women in their 40’s think about. How can I? I’m not 40 myself, but I can sympathize that she may be lonely. I want to push her in trying to go unconventional… like Eharmony or something like that. I don’t know. It’s not like I’d have enough time to fill the void. I don’t know of any professors over the age of 35 that are single. I feel that I’m aging. And the prospects of men out there are slim. Many good men are either gay or are already married or so I’ve heard. I wish that weren’t true. Well, my sister did fine at age 30 and that gives me hope. I’m still young, I think, to overly analyze my future. Now, I’m depressed. Well, not really. It takes a lot for me to get depressed. I imagine myself living out somewhere and my niece and nephew would always request to spend their holidays with ME!! Their COOL aunty. I love them sooo much. I keep on digressing, but my point is that I feel for my friend. She’s an awesome God-fearing and adventurous person like me. Why can’t she find anyone for herself? My brother doesn’t feel anything for her even if she was skinny, pretty, smart and is well accepted by our family. I don’t think dicks like my brother accept smart girls. They are probably attracted to short, submissive, manipulative bitches. Just like his past bitches… I don’t know when he’ll learn. So she’s lonely and I totally want to hug her and tell her that her prince charming will come for her someday, but will he? I’m afraid I will be wrong and I’m also afraid to reach 40 and find myself with no “gentleman caller”. I don’t care about being married at all. I can live like George Clooney and have guys fall on my feet for me, but as age will inevitably alter my youthful appearance, my chances of being relatively attractive to eligible men will decline. In our cruel society that we live in, I honestly believe people still go by physical attraction before searching for emotional intimacy with a person. Nobody can read my selfless qualities by the face that I carry and generally, most people wouldn’t care. I won’t even call people who rejects people of the opposite sex by their looks are assholes. Society has evolved that way. I can be witty, charming, courteous and caring, but will my prince charming find me through those qualities? Who knows. I see my widowed mother and I can’t begin to imagine what brought my mother and father together. My mom told me that my dad spotted her at human resources office in their company and my dad said to himself and his friend that my mom was the woman that he was going to marry and he was right. It was attraction at a physical level first. I just want someone to care for me when I get older. I hope to God that God won’t subject me to loneliness for all my life. I can’t say that God can fill that void for me. I can’t say God can fill that void for my friend either. We feel what we feel, really. We are all sentient beings. Those things cannot be controlled. What I can’t stand are good-looking actors dating good-looking celebrities like themselves. No equal chance for a mortal to date untouchables. I don’t know why… For the moment, I’m praying for the health of my cousins’ babies. And my cousin’s daughter’s baby… Oh, how I love my extended family. Well. Happy New Year! I resolve to find myself a decent man to love me. What’s yours?