Nothing Noteworthy… Straight Babble

It’s almost 6 in the morning… and I’m scanning through photographs … thinking of what could have been. There were nice memories and there were moments of sheer embarassment, pain and anger. I’ve installed new shelving in the laundry room and managed to waste a lot of time walking around the house cleaning after people in the house… It’s relaxing to not have to think about schoolwork… SO I do laundry instead. Before that, I was reminiscing through my old stuff… As I was doing laundry though, it gave me time to contemplate about a lot of stuff. I love the feel of warm clothes… I can’t live without the fresh smell of laundry… and yes, I’m those types of girls who actually enjoy ironing handkerchiefs. I lightly starch mine… Anyway, that’s a little too personal… and I again digress. Through my meditation of folding laundry, I’ve come to realize how much I miss some people in my life. I’ve moved so many times, I find it remarkable that I can still keep in touch with a lot of people. I can’t believe they’d love me that much to put so much effort in keeping in touch. I’m never good at that department. I’ve always used moving as a way to start anew. I believe friends can be made everywhere and even though I will move away from my friends I’ve come to love, I know life will eventually lead us geographically far apart anyway. I know some will try to remain in their comfort zone and never live elsewhere than from the place I left them. I also wonder if that’s something that needs to be changed. I can’t imagine being stagnant like that. But then again, I’m not a firm believer in being so constant. There’ so much to do in life… I don’t know what I would do if I were to stay in one place for too long. But then maybe that’s my problem. I understand histories are shared the longer you are with someone, but I can’t seem to really believe in sticking with one person my whole life. Does that make me out to be a natural bigamist? Maybe it’s because I’ve never met him. I’m too smart to fall so easily for someone. But I do hurt. Scar tissue still remains on my heart, making my heart more inflexible and calloused like heavy armor to protect its innards. Maybe I’m too smart for my own good. Maybe I’m just too … tired. I get bored of my boyfriends so easily. and this has bugged me for years! It’s as if I’m incapable of growing infatuated over a person. Is it possible I’m not meant to find a partner? Maybe. Am I okay with it? I’m not sure. Maybe ignorance is bliss. I have great respect for the sacrament of marriage. On the other hand, I sort of want to find out what it would be like… and whether knowing what it would be like… that maybe I would miss that life if ever my love would leave me. I’m a true romantic at heart, but maybe… even with all my experiences… I haven’t come across love just yet… Maybe I’m still a virgin at love. I have no idea what it would be like to be head over heels in love with a person. All along, I may have just been going through the motions. Is it like what they depict in movies?! I think I’ve bored myself with this idle chatter.