… about that…

My feelings complicate my life. I’m sick and tired of praying for other people. I’m growing envious of other people and their happiness. I’m beginning to hate every couple I encounter… I wonder if God is punishing me for something I’m not aware of. It’s emotionally painful to witness happiness when I feel so isolated. How dare you put your arms around her in front of me, jerk. Feeling inadequate and needing to prove that I don’t need him. Please don’t come near me… That was all I was thinking… I wish I knew how to act like I was ok, but instead… I scrounge my face in agony… wishing I could leave the situation. I want to forget the things you’ve mentioned to me. I want to forget that I was moved by the things you had said to me. What was said before was true, but events elapse that voided them completely. I wasn’t ready for these emotions that are taking over me… I swear I’m stronger than these emotions… but they’re taking over me… (from a song, “stronger than”). I don’t mean to cry because of you. I need silence and darkness to distract me. I need to meditate and wish… to forget you.